Dealing with Roommates

Hi apu. I feel so devastated all the time. My roommate is so dominant that I could not take rest properly in the room. My grades are falling. I always feel homesick and emotionally weak. Negativity is all around.

Hello Dear, I am sorry to hear about this problem. This is a very common problem among the people who have to share a room or a flat with or without choice. Two people are coming from different backgrounds, with different expectations, history and perspectives. So, this can create disagreement and disappointment. Even at our homes, we have issues with our brothers, sisters and mothers.  But, when we are at our home, we can express our feelings easily without any fear or shame. Because we are natural when we express our feelings with our loved ones. When we are living with someone who is not a family member, we cannot be so honest. There is something that hinders our true feelings. Because we do not want to be bad or appear negative to the other people. This is both healthy and harmful. Healthy, in a sense that it creates better bonding with strangers; harmful, in a sense that we suppress emotions inside, which can sometimes be stressful. I think that you are feeling uncomfortable with her for some reason, and you cannot communicate that to her properly. Remember, there is nothing right or wrong here. Be non-judgmental, and take an objective view.  Two people are having problems in sharing a common space. Do not blame yourself or the other person, just take it very objectively. Now, things got extreme and you need to do something to feel comfortable again in your own space. My suggestion (it is just a suggestion) is to find your own space and create a healthy boundary with the person who is bothering you. You need to make it clear to your roommate that you need your own space for some time. You need to concentrate on your study and you do not like to be dictated or dominated. Be polite and gentle, but at the same time be firm and assertive. You need to tell that you need to concentrate on your study and at this moment, you need your own space for study. If she does not understand your hints, be more explicit. If she still continues to do things that are bothering you (I hope this will not happen), you need to do something serious (e.g. to file a complaint to the residential assistants or the office). But I suggest you not to go with this complaint immediately. Be patient and forgiving. Sometimes, things change without any notice.  Sometimes, we ourselves get changed. See how much you can take. Try your best through a clear communication based on love and compassion, then leave the rest and wait for some time to see whether your situation and feelings have changed.