Few More Days in AUW

Bedana Rai

“What’s your plan after graduation?” This is probably the question I get asked almost every day by the curious people around me, and sometimes, it is just another question to begin a not-so-good conversation. Starting from my friends, my juniors, my professors, family members to probably anyone who is aware about my graduation eventually opens up this question. I remember, a few months back, this question was not at all as scary as it is today. I would calmly reply saying that I prefer having a job over continuing my studies for a few years. But now, this question is getting scarier with each passing day and the answer to it is getting even more complex. I always remind myself to focus on completing the senior thesis and other courses more than anything else. Even when I am trying hard to write what it feels like to be a soon-graduating AUWian right now, I am perplexed with my own thoughts and I get lost when writing them in words.

I am worried.

I am scared.

I am confused.

I don’t know.

This is what I feel right now. I am worried to witness what life has to offer me after my graduation. I am scared; AUW is my comfort zone and it is not the same outside it. I am confused about whether to start my further studies or work for a few years. It’s not that I didn’t give a proper thought about this. Moreover, I had made my final decision, but again I ended up saying “I don’t know.” And I still don’t know.

 Despite still living in AUW, I have already started missing my university and all those memories compiled for four years. I often feel grateful and get emotional thinking about how this place has made me an assertive woman today. I wish the world outside of AUW where I’m destined to be will be welcoming and will not put boundaries around me because I want to grow everyday as I have grown here. Besides that, I want to spend as much time as possible and create more memories with my friends, juniors, and other people here. I want to have deep and insightful talks, loud singings, crazy dances, gossips in the rooftop, birthday celebrations and many more other AUW experiences.

What often strikes my mind is going back to Nepal, to my home, is surprisingly not as joyous as I had thought it would be back in Access Academy. My love for Bangladesh is increasing every day and I am thankful to sonar Bangladesh. It made me liberal, independent, confident, and a courageous woman today. I get worried sometimes with the thought of living again with my family’s regulations, relatives recommending their best ideas for me to be a proper lady, and other such social rules. But, I remind myself, I am an AUWian and I can always stand for what is right and make a difference for good.

With the countdown for the final days of being at AUW, the emotions are getting more complicated and the system of logic is becoming dysfunctional, but I rise up to welcome a new beginning for myself and to prepare myself for bidding goodbye to AUW until next time.