Thoughts of a Rebellious Mind

Tashfeen Akram

If I could open up my heart in front of you and show you the ocean of disappointments, gathered from all the dissatisfied hearts and discouraged souls of my beloved friends, there would be enough water to drown you all.  If my eyes could speak the stories of regrets which they have witnessed in their lives so far, you would have heard many variations of tragedy. If my mind could speak the hundreds and thousands of violent thoughts and fierce feelings they experience, while seeing a victimized soul every single day, you would not be able to stand it. 

But alas! My heart, my eyes, and my mind are silent. Alas! You still cannot listen to my heart, read my eyes, and predict my thoughts. Alas! There is still no hope for me to express myself in front of you because I am afraid that if I speak once, my tongue will no longer be able to speak again. I cannot talk because if I talk, I will surely be the next brutally victimized unfortunate soul. I see this. Just because I talk about women’s rights, you declare me a feminist. If I talk about the rights of the transgender community, you suspect me of being one of them. When I talk about bringing change in your biased rights and customs of society, you declare me an evil individual. If I talk about using the right of speech given to me by the constitution of my country, you declare me an outspoken and immoral person who can no more enjoy the respect given to others. If I talk about making my own decisions in my life, you repeatedly remind me of the unconditional sacrifices and kindness which you have bestowed upon me. So congratulations! You are the defeater of my thoughts, my feelings, and all my rights. You dominate, because not only my heart, my eyes, and my mind, but my tongue too has lost its courage to speak. My hands shake while crossing the limit of writing my mind, thanks to you. Congratulations for being not only the guardian of my body but of my feelings, thoughts, and dreams as well. 

But oh my feudal lord! How long do you think that you can tie me with the chain of your firm customs and traditions? How long can you bury my voice, my noise, my shouting and screaming, and how long can you rule my mind? My religion says that one day this temporary world will end and even the highest and strongest mountain’s pride will break. Every particle and every living being has an expiry date. So how do you think that your rule over my mind is permanent? 

I believe in the concept of the Judgment Day and I am sure enough that one day a tsunami will rise in the ocean of my heart which will break the chains of all your customs and traditions, and which will destroy the walls and guardians of my mind. My thoughts, my visions, my spirit, my courage, my voice, and my noise will find a way out of your protection. On that day, my mind will break every chain of restrictions and disobey the limits which you have assigned to it. From that day my wandering soul will only follow the route which I will assign to it. I believe that one day my courage will fly like a free bird that fears no more the cage or the storm.